NEW GAME WITH PRIZES

New Weekly Game here people: It's called "Guess that Ass"

So for lovely prize of 1 Free Bloomin Onion at Outback Steak House, Let me know! *Fuck that, the 1st person that comments can have the bloomin' onion... Email your guesses to:
gossipvine@yahoo.com

GOOD LUCK!

We will announce the winner Friday!

Average OK

This is Sasha Lewis. She is recently engaged to Heinz Ketchup boy. You know, John Kerry's step-son.

We just wanted to let everyone who is just average looking to know that they to, have a chance to land a billionaire.

So thanks Sasha, for setting the bar a medium. We love you!

And we are so sorry for what's going to be your mother in law... you look like a nice girl, you don't deserve that.

SEXIEST WOMEN

Askmen.com has their list of 99 sexiest woman...
Although we certainly do NOT agree with most of them, we would like you to ponder the next couple of thoughts:
1. Beyonce went from #8 in 2005 to #50... Guess big butts our OUT!
2. Brook Burke went from # 6 to 43... That's just sad
3. Anna Kournikova is #99, Maria Sharipova is #31, not to mention can actually PLAY tennis...
4. Marisa Miller, a surfer girl, goes from 88 last year to 14 this year... that's a hot jump!
5. Scarlet Johanson moves from 84 to 28 this year... but she'll let anyone cop a feel so whatever...
6. Giselle and Jessica Simpson stay at their respected spots from last year, Giselle at 26 and Simpson at 12
7. Eva Mendes makes it to 24 the first year she's on the list!

BUT THE WINNER IS:

SIENNA MILLER! Ms. Miller jumped 84 spots this year... going from 86 to a stellar 2. Way to go! To bad Jude still fucked the ugly nanny. We also want to know if this was BEFORE she chopped her hair and looks like shit?

WE WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WOMEN THAT WERE NOT NAMED: Among them being: Paris, Nicole Richie, Madonna, Ashley Simpson... makes us think... although Bryce Dallas Howard made the list... yeah...

Ya'LL I'm the QUEEN... of Double Wides!

Brits and K-Fed at the Sag Awards last nite. We still don't know why they were there, we thought it was for fucking ACTORS... and considering all Britney has ever done was hold a camcorders to her knees and say "Look Ya'll, they look like BOOBS", we don't know why they would want to be there. Plus I doubt anyone wanted them to be there.

Amongst other things, why does K-Fed look Officially, Grade-A RETARDED in this pic? He is probably stoned, we are sure of that, but what the hell is going on? And why is Brits wearing a cheap TEAL taffetta prom dress from 1982? Someone needs to tell her that she wasn't supposed to take this 80's revival that far... We like the choker though, sure does class it up... Are these your "Go To Meetin'" clothes ya'll?

Someone shoot them, both of them. And that kid. America DESERVES a world free of Spears/Federline.

One last thing... we are so glad that Brits took out the nasty extensions, especially since she didn't know how to take care of them, but we are really hating this hair... it's just weird and looks like the lady in our office that's 6 year old kid cut her hair so she had to go get it fixed and this is all they could do. Ugh.

Bijou trying to be cool... again

Since no one knows who the hell Bijou Phillips is, besides she used to be friends with Paris Hilton, she has now been reportedly angered at the thought that her ex boyfriend of 4 years, Sean Lennon (son of John Lennon and that annoying bitchy Asian chick that broke up the Beatles) is "Together" with BLOWHAN (our new name for Linds... we like it, it's got a ring to it) Upset that friends in a club told Bijou that the pair were "together" a souce telle www.socialitelife.com that Bijou obviously still in love with Lennon.

Who cares. Who cares who Bijou is anyway. What a shitty name. She needs to shut the fuck up. If Sean is getting it on with Blowhan then good for him. I hope they brake up and he fucks Bijou again and she gets some of Blowhan's Clap. These peope are stupid.

P.S. We would totally rather do Blowhan, even if she has the body of a 11 year old boy... at least she doens't look a skanked out heroin addict...

Britney fat or preggers

Yes, we know it might be indegestion, but Queen of the Double Wide looks like she's pregnant again to us... That would make Kevin Federline have, what, 17 children then??? Someone needs to either tell Britney to stop shoving hundred dollar bills up her twat so Kevin will stop going up there or have that man castrated... nothing good can come. Look at his other kids, they are FREAKIN UGLY AS SHIT. Ohhh, it's like this girl we knew in High School, she was the prom queen, she had it all... then she got knocked up, now 6 years later she has 4 kids, lives in a trailer behind her grandma and her husband is laying next to us... OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH... but we would never sleep with K-Fed, anything that's been up Brit Brit's twat AND Shar's Coochie Coo has got to be red and have bumps.

Superficial Sucks Ass

You know, a long long time ago our favorite blog was www.thesuperficial.com but somewhere between Britney Spears giving birth, Madonna becoming freakishly toned and having the sense to find better blogs that arn't just correlations of crap from Page 6, the superficial has become the super-feces.

Example 1: The Superficial posts pic of Cameron Diaz DAYS after WE post... and we are freakin lazy bitches!

Example 2: The Superficial DOES NOT credit people when you send it tips... WE KNOW, we've sent in about 3 and they have been commented on and all it says is: Thanks to _____ (not out fucking name)

Example 3: Superficial totally fucking stole that Brad and his chameleon shit from 1-27-06 from www.socialitelife.com from about 7 months ago... at least fucking read other blogs you illiterate morons

Example 4: We were reading Super-Feces today and we were trying to remember why we knew about Natasha Lyonne wanted for arrest, then we remembered that we had SEEN the freaking mugshot... about 3 months ago. They didn't even post the mug shot, and all we did was google "Natasha Lyonne mugshot" to get this hot pic... What lazy glibs.

Example 5: No example, only oppinion. They suck. We quit them. It's like when your favorite band sells out to the record company and not that cool Indie Label... Ohh well... have fun stealing people's shit and posting it 2 weeks after everyone knows about it.

Clay Aiken is STRAIGHT...

Reports have come out that there is a MAN that claims he had unportected sex with Clay Aiken, who solicited him off the internet.

The man, John Paulus, 38, a former Green Beret, who PASSED a lie detector test made accusations that Aiken, using the screen name "ValleyPrettyBoy" told the National Enquirer about his romp with Aiken at the Quality Inn in Garner, NC.

The Gossipvine is APPAULED... So we have come up with a few reasons we DON'T think Clay is a homo:

1. This is the Clay Aiken that sang MEASURE OF A MAN, "Would he walk on water, Would he run through fire, Would he stand before you, When it's down to the wire, Would he give his life up, To be all he can, Is that, is that, is that how you measure a man? THAT CAN'T BE GAY!

2. Any man that poses for promo pictures in red boas and little puppies TOTALLY LOVES PUSSY.

3. Havn't you people ever heard of a metrosexual, just because Clay plucks his eyebrows, waxes his legs, uses large amounts of hair gel and knows what styling "wax" is and has his pubic hairs waxed in little symbols like kitty cats (he loves pussies... remember?) can NOT be freakin GAY.

4. He said he wasn't. In Rolling Stone magazine. Isn't that all we need?

5. His favorite song is Bridge Over Troubled Water... What? He likes the classics.

6. Middle aged woman LOVE him... including many of our mothers here at the Gossipvine. Although GiGi's mom did love her last boyfriend Chaz, who she later caught sucking off the waiter at Applebees...

7. Because anyone can pretend to be Clay Aiken. I mean, all it takes is some styling wax, a few glued pubes on the chin, a horse face, speaking in falsetto, a small dog and a mangina... It could have been ANYONE!

8. No serious Gay guy gets his man meat action on at the freakin QUALITY INN. The Quality Inn people? No self respecting gay guy sticks his man meat into some man hole at any place with the words "Budget", "Best", "Quality", or "Holiday" in it. That's a Gay Rule. Rule #857 in the Gay handbook... we know cause Jake Gyllanhall told us.

WE LOVE BRITS!

Things we love about the British:

1. We love HATS... We love feathers in hat... We love wearing hats with everything... Yeah for HATS!

2. We love the ACCENTS! The ugliest person can somehow become totally fuckable when they speak...

3. We love yellow teeth. Call us crazy, but what's with a white as rice smile that can blind you? We like to know that food goes inside that mouth! Yeah for Yellow Teeth!

4. We love the Royals! We love their quirky inbred habits. We love the fact that when they smile (see #3) and that they absolutly serve no purpose at all besides suck up tax payer money and go on lavish trips for no apparent reason.

5. We love Camilla... We know, we know, she should be up there in number 4, but we here at Gossipvine we don't consider her as a "real" royal. She's pretty much like the evil step mother that no one likes. We think that she is wonderful though! We love the fact that she finally got what she wants, and we have to applaud persistance!

6. We love Rugby. We love hot sweaty shirtless men with no rules running into other shirtless sweaty men. Ohhh...

7. We love Big Ben. It not only is a classic landmark, but so convienant. What time is it? Oh, just look there, it's a big freakin clock just chillin and telling time... LOVE IT!

8. We love castles. Call us crazy, but we like to sometimes surf the net for castles to buy (check out http://www.castles-for-sale.com/ It's an awesome site for those out there lookin to buy them some CASTLE!) There's some kind of elegance that goes on with owning a castle. Plus, imagine the bad-ass parties we could throw... that's right bitches, you'll all be sorry that you didn't invite us to your cool parties in high school when your NOT invited to our way cooler Castle Parties!

9. We love Celebrities. Madonna, Gwyneth, Sienna, Jude, The Spice Girls, Elizabeth Hurley, Hugh Grant, Elizabeth Taylor (born in England) Catherine Zeta-Jones, Nicole Kidman (also born in England) Alfred Hitchcock, David Bowie, Phil Collins, Richard Bronson, Rod Stewart, Elton John, Kate Moss, Kylie Minogue, Kate Winslet, Sam Mendes, Robbie Williams, the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Pink Floyd, The Who... the list goes on... We love them ALL! (except Gwyneth... she's a bitch)

10. Pubs. We love beer. We love how no one cards 16 year olds, we love pints because they are huge, we love dark ale, pale ale and being able to SMOKE and sit in a pub... We love how everyone drinks and no on is an alcoholic, we love beer and especially those who appreciate a good pint.

Cheerio!

Brangelina

We hear at Gossipvine here by declare that we no longer, will ever, report anything about Brangelina. We think that the two of them, along with the bastard children are no longer news worthy. They are boring, they are stupid and they are not good looking, especially the children. Even after what's-her-name homewreckin' whore spawns the devil child, we will not tell you. We will not even tell you that it will be the ugliest child ever, (2 beautiful parents = 1 ugly kid) It's over. We hope they get attacked when there in some 3rd world country. The End

P.S. They don't get a picture because I don't want to see them... EVER!

American Idol

We hear at Gossipvine do not understand American Idol. It's like Meth... you know it's bad and you know you shouldn't, but it just feels so freakin' good.

We have to tivo it because we are really against commercials, also we get really embarrassed for the contestants and feel really awkward... yes, we know it's weird, but it's like dodgeball in the 6th grade, you feel so bad for that fat kid, but it's so funny to watch him not get picked.

As far as number one picks go, here's hoping for that girl from the other night, the one with the famous grandma... she's freakin' awesome. Ugly, but that girl can SANG....

Lee has POX

Jason Lee, aka Earl, has the chicken pox. Yes, the chicken pox. We here at the Gossipvine thought chicken pox was something only 5 year old got how drank their classmates pops after they did. Who knew. We also thought that the Scientific Advancement of the whole entire world, you know, the scientist that cured polio, inveted AIDS potions so you can live a normal life, cured SARS and found the Bird Flu could ACTUALLY contain something to eliminate Chicken Pox, a virus. Hmmm.... wow.

Lindsay Lohan Myspace

IF THIS IS REALLY LINDSAY... WE WANT TO KNOW WHO THE HELL TOLD HER THAT IT WAS OK TO PUT THAT CRAP ON THE INTERNET... WANNA PROVE IT'S REALLY YOU, THAN PUT YOUR BLACK AMEX ON THE INTERNET... WHO THE HELL DOES THIS GIRL HAVE WORKING FOR HER THAT 1. SOMEONE CAN GET A CREDIT CARD IN HER NAME OR 2. LETS HER DUMBASS PLASTER IT ON THE INTERNET.

This just proves she's more cracked out than we thought.

Check out Lindsay's mysapce and see if you think it's real: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=5205517

Paris is actually an idiot

Paris Hilton, aka walking STD girl is not as smart as she looks. Seriously. Ms. Nasty is being sued by Zeta Graff, who claims Hilton spread malicous rumors about her in the tabloids. TMZ.com has recovered the transcript if you care to read it. We have put together some of the soon to be infamous quotes just for you.

~Hilton is asked about a companion that night whose first name was Terry. When asked if she knew his last name, Hilton replied: "It is like a weird Greek name. Like Douglas."

~"Were there U.K. publications?" Hilton responded: "No... there is stuff in London." Hilton's lawyer, Larry Stein, jumped in: "London is a U.K. publication." Her retort: "Right. U.K. Whatever."

~Hilton swore she never saw a republication of the article: "I was in Europe the whole summer, and all there is is like French -- I didn't see anything because I wasn't in America."

~Hilton stated, "I just said to her... she is old and should stay at home with her child instead of being at nightclubs with young people. And just that -- I just - what else did I say? Just that she is not cute at all."

~She added that Graff had threatened Latsis: "He said that she threatened to send Mexican people to come and beat the shit out of him." Hilton testified that she too was scared: "He said that she was going to do voodoo on me. And I kind of do believe in that stuff a little bit, so I was a little bit scared about that... "

AND OUR FAVORITES:

~"I meet so many people. I don't even know some of my friends' names."
~"I would never say stalking. I'm not a dude. Like, I think a girl can only stalk a guy. She can't really stalk another girl."
~"Whatever I write in e-mail, it doesn't mean anything. It is just words I write."

HMMM... And we thought she was really going to get into Cambridge... according to Hilton that's in America...

THANKS TO TMZ.COM Click here for more http://tmz.aol.com/article1?id=20060118173609990013

Anorexia all the Rage

Scarlett Pomers, best known for her long standing roles on Star Trek: Voyager and the most recent WB hit series, Reba has admitted that she is joining the likes of Mary-Kate, Lindsey Lohan, Calista Flockhart, Nicole Richie, Lara Flyn Boyle, Tracey Gold, Jane Fonda, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Paula Abdul, Victoria Beckham, Kate Beckinsale, Princess Diana, oh, we are tired, you get the drift.

Scarlett was on Today this morning talking about her recovery stage and admitting that she had a problem. We here at Gossipvine commend her courage and wish her the best of luck.

Crazy Dave

We here at the Gossipvine support the undermedicated.

That's why we are starting the "Crazy Dave 4 Ur Idol" movement. That's right people... here's hoping crazy Dave makes it through so we can start voting for him!

For Gods Sake it's VINTAGE

We here at Gossipvine are quite confused. Seems Reese Witherspoon is dissapointed that her Chanel vintage dress has been worn before, (and by a man too...) seems as though the dress came with the same hair style too...

Our confusion is this: when someone tells us that we will be wearing a vintage dress, funny us, but we assume that since they used the word VINTAGE, it's old. And since it's old, it means the chances are pretty freaking good that someone has worn it before. Stupid people deserve stupid things happening to them.

Hilary Duff on Coke

So someone here at the Gossipvine knows for a fact that Little Miss Perfect Good Charlotte is snorting so much coke up their nose that it's not even funny.

We think it's hilarious that Duff's counterpart, Lindsay Whoreanus Lohan can get so much freaking attention/media for being a crack whore when the true coke addict is RIGHT IN FRONT of you.

Someone here gave Ms. Duff 2 lines here a couple of days ago when Ms. Duff was in a very popular, very exclusive bathroom.

Hmmmm... and we thought she was that skinny from not having sex with Joel Madden....

Aniston can cry if she wants to

Star Magazine reports:

"There have been reports that they have been fighting. The fall out over Brad and Angelina has been a lot for them both to deal with. Jen is obviously going through a very painful time and, although she is putting on a brave face in public, she's feeling very fragile and more insecure than ever before. Vince has been surprised by this. He thought that Jen was over Brad and has moved on. He can't understand why she feels so upset and this has caused a real rift between them. Jen has a lot of needs right now and while Vince has helped cheer her up over the past few months, he may not be able to support her through this new crisis."

Gossipvine has ALWAYS been a number one batter for Team Aniston and would like to say this to all the other bloggers telling Ms. Aniston to get over herself... SHUT THE FUCK UP. Leave her alone, let her grieve, let her think about kicking Ugly Man Jolie in the uterus, she has every right. Angelina Jolie is a whore and a home wrecker and we here at Gossipvine hope she has a horrible pregnancy which ends with the ugliest child in the world. Jolie has a horse face, even worse than Aniston and she looks like a man.

Diaz is a BITCH

This just proves to the rest of the world, what we here at the Gossipvine have known for EVER...

Pictured here is the not-even-average looking Cameron Diaz being a bitch over her stupid games of golf.

Guess Diaz can't be good at everything, wait, what is she god at? Acting? No. Picking men? No. Oh yeah, looking like a transvestite. That's it.

Whoreanus to busy doing crack for Globe's

Lindsay Lohan was a no show on Monday nite at the Golden Globes. She was set to be a presenter but never showed up?

What gives bitch? You to good now for the Golden Globes? Because you may think you are but us here at the Gossipvine think that you are a pretentious bitch that needs to get their head out of their crack pipe if you want to last in Hollywood another 6 months.

This is the 2nd time in 2 months that Lohan has missed a planned event (1st canceling the LIVE with Regis and Kelly show 15 minutes AFTER she was supposed to be there)

And by the way, this recent picture of her Whorenus reveals that certainly does not look bulemic or anorexic. She actually looks a little chubby to us. We saw about 127 girls that were WAY skinnier than Whoreanus at starbucks TODAY.

You make us puke you self centered mediocre bitch. No wonder you hate Scarlett, at least that girl can PRETEND to act. You on the other hand will never be as good as Hilary Duff and only ever remembered for your movie roles when you were 12.

It's time you step into the middle of the road and get hit with a fucking bus cunt.

Paltrow is an idiot

What the hell will it take to make the WORLD understand that Gywenth Paltrow is a stuck up transvestite looking bitch?

Not only has the born-again-Londoner taken to the Madonna fashioned fake accent and yelling stupid shit about how America sucks, but she's confirmed her ability to procrate again.

What the hell are we supposed to say?? We are so glad that this dense bitch is smart enough to know where to stick her nast-skinny husband's pencil dick. Wow, that's so amazing, good job. I learned that when I was in 2nd grade, but whatever.

Here's hoping this one isn't as ugly as the first one.

Eminem remarries a transvestite

Marshal Mathers, AKA Eminem, got REMARRIED to his baby's mama this past weekend.

We know, no one cares. We just think it's freaking hilarious that someone can be a total fucking bitch, take all your money, screw your best friend AND be an ugly cunt and you STILL take her back.

We don't get it, I thought Earl taught us about Karma. This bitch is BARFUGLY.

Ricky Leaves a Urine Taste in UNICEFS Mouth

According to http://www.thesuperficial.com, and blender magazine Ricky Martin is in the toilet (literally) with UNICEF...

"The backlash stems from an interview published last month, in which Ricky told Blender, "I love giving the 'golden shower.' I've done it before in the shower. It's like, so sexy, you know, the temperature of your body and the shower water is very different." Ricky went on to say, "I'm open to everything. There are moments for soft, gentle sex. And there are moments for a good spank in the butt."
The Ricky Martin Foundation is an advocate for children's rights and is actively involved in the fight against human trafficking. Ricky is also a Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF."

Well, you do know that those Gay people only have so many ways to do it. We applaud Ricky for finding a new way him and his Latin Man Love can get off. This still doesn't explain why Ricky is a bad example for kids... OH YEAH, he's a homo, right???

Britney still alive

Britney Spears has decided to say a big FUCK YOU to lesbian lover Madonna and her love for Kaballah. Britney Spears has decided to dabble her extra baby weight in Hinduism.

It is so apparent that Britney is looking for the deep answers of life that can not be found at the bottom of her marlboro box.

We applaud the fact that there are actually wheels that are still lubed up and running (we won't even go there) in Britney's head.

Although there is something whithin us all here at the Grapevine that truly wishes that this photo came with the caption "...and Baby is doing fine." Oh well, win some, lose some.

Aiken a Flamin' Homo

PageSix.com reports todays blind item:

January 16, 2006 -- WHICH pop-singing sensation likes to troll the Internet for gay quickies? After one unsafe session, his homo hook-up contacted a tabloid to sell his sordid story and offered a DNA-encrusted washcloth as proof. If the truth comes out, the singing idol's fans, mostly middle-aged housewives, will be very upset . . .

HMMM... WE WONDER.... could it be anyone BUT Clay Aiken?

Even the girl with Clay in this picture is SURPRISED that he is touching her breasts, I mean come on... by the look on her face she certainly is not enjoying this moment. But than again, we here at the Gossipvine don't know who she is, she could be his fag hag or some girl he paid to touch her boobs so he could get a picture and send it to his mom because she keeps hearing things from Kathy Griffin about Clay being a BIG FLAMIN' HOMO COWBOY. OK, maybe not a cowboy, but certainly the real life inspiration for Jake Gyllanhal's character in Broke Back Mountain... Clay's next single is titled, "Can't Quit You"... yeah...

Aniston doesn't give a rats ass

Jennifer Aniston's reps deny reports that Jennifer Was ever contacted by ex husband Brad Pitt or his live in slut homewrecking lover Angelina Jolie. Jennifer's rep's claim she found out the same way the rest of the world did, EXTRA.

Jennifer felt the same thing the rest of the world did, nothing. Because no one cares. Certainly not Jennifer, who will not become fat and ugly and will continue with what she has had the past year, grace.

Shows you who the better person is, the one who takes it with a grain of salt or the one that moves into the exwife's house before the divorce is final, brings her two kids and gets knocked up by a man she's only known for a year and isn't married to.

No lovin' for Hasselhoff

David Hasselhoff and his wife of 16 years are getting a divorce. The two have 2 daughters.

She just woke up out of the coma and realized she wasn't in Germany and was married to David Hasselhoff.

Training Bras

Brintey Spears, shown here, is shopping in Vegas.

Now, the only reason I post this is to thank my lucky stars that some one has told Mrs. Federline about a secret, and by secret I mean a fucking bra.

I understand Mrs. F is a redneck, white trash and all around idiot, but why does one think that it is okay to NOT WEAR A BRA? I am so PLEASED to see the Victoria Secret shopping bag in her hand. Maybe she bought a bra. Maybe she will WEAR IT. Maybe someone told her she doesn't look good with out a bra, that she has saggy mommy tits and needs some support.

Who in the WORLD would even go to Walmart dressed like that, let alone walk around Vegas like your some house wife in your husbands sweatpants? She needs to get a stylist. And a bra. And keep better track of her husband because I just gave him a lap dance and he charged it to her credit card.

The Witch Spawns

Sabrina the Teenage witch, also known as Melissa Joan Hart gave birth to a little boy.

But no one cares.

What the hell happened to her anyway, her and Britney must have the same get-pregnant-ugly-fat-lose-my-career goals in life.

Angelina Breeds

Here's hoping pregnancy will make her right boob bigger so Angelina has breasts that are the same size.

Here's wishing her morning sickness and an extra 75 pounds she will never be able to lose.

Here's praying that the spawn of Brangelina will not end up all fucked up because it's mom is a slut who broke up Hollywood's golden couple and it's dad is a mindless tool.

So you've probably heard the news by now, it has been official for at least 6 hours now, that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with Brad Pitt's bastard child. (we here at Gossipvine feel a need to point out every bastard child in America... it's our moral duty)

What you don't know is that unlike popular oppinion, Brangelina's bastard child will be the ugliest child in the world, and by world we mean even uglier than the two Barfugly one's they have now... I mean have you seen that little dark baby, no way in hell is that kid going to be remotely good looking, throw in being raised by Joan Crawford, uh, Angelina Jolie...

OK, remember the hottest girl in High School, yeah, she was hot huh? Now remember when you first saw her mother and father and you thought a.) oh please Lord don't let her look like that one day and b.) how the hell did those mutants make such a good looking kid?

We here at Grapevine have a DNA and Gene Therapy Specalist on staff, Dr. Anita Mandalay tells us the the genetic code of both "beautiful" people will most likely morph into some sort of mutant looking spawn. Dr. Mandalay goes on to inform us that the child most likely will look like Richard Simmons if her predictions are right.

Here's hoppin' it's a girl, Britney Spear's son TaterTot has to get herpes from someone in 15 years...

Colin Farrell likes to look at himself doing it

Colin Farrell, an actor for some reason even though he can not act, and "estranged" girlfriend Nicole Narain are "furious" that a sex tape of the two has leaked it's way onto the internet. And by leaked we mean Nicole put it there.

Nicole, who claims she is not profiting from the sale of their video for $14.95 on the internet is appauled at the thought that Colin would think that she had anything to do with this. I mean for goodness sakes people, Nicole is way better than that, if she wanted her own nudie pics she would have put them on the internet herself, like http://www.lesplaymates.free.fr/Playmates/NicoleNarain/image.php3?image=NicoleNarain10.jpg Hmmm... in that case, I just don't know who to believe.

P.S. We like the fact that it's only $14.95 that's real classy. Just high enough for people to think... "hmmm, do I really need to watch this?" and then say no and remind themselves that Colin Farrell is a tool that has the body of a pre-pubescent 15 yr old (not the height though) and the fact that nudie pics of his slut "estranged" girlfriend are everywhere.

P.P.S. What's with the "Estranged" girlfriend... not "ex-girlfriend", not "former lover" but ESTRANGED GIRLFRIEND... we might be high on pain killers but that does not make sense to any of us. And by us I of course mean my two cats, Van and Halen, my fish Mr. Bubbles, a bottle of Diazepam and myself.

Go to: http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/image_pages/dcscreencap.html for more pics... NOT OK FOR WORK

Mark Whalberg has another bastard child

For some reason, Mark Whalberg and his lady friend, Rhea Durham, are enjoying a day on the beach. Unfortunatley other people were trying to enjoy the same day on the same beach.

When and why has the idea that pregnant ladies are allowed to wear bathing suits and got to public beaches been confirmed by society? What the hell is the matter with people, next thing we know these women will be encourged to vote, go to colleges, think, this world is going to turn into an episode of Commander and Chief if we don't lay the law down sometime, JUST SAY NO TO PREGNANCY.

Yes, it is natural, yes it is normal, but NO it does not have to be tolerated by others. NO it does not have to be accepted by those that have to look at the fat, bloated lady with high strung hormones eating a pickle and cheese sandwich on rye.

Thanks to Whalberg, Rhea Durham, who usually is very attractive looks like she ate Santa's sack of vollyballs for PS 48 . The two are NOT married, have one child together. They split in 2004 only to (obviously) make up.

Austin Powers Horny

Mike Myers, of the Austin Powers fame is quick to join the likes of Steven Spielberg, Robin Williams, Tom Cruise, and everyone else that left their doting wife that stood by them as they came to fame for someone younger, thinner, tighter and probably names "Amber".

We thought Mike Myers and soon-soon-to-be ex wife Robin were going to make it. Myers claims that Robin's mother was his muse for SNL character that shot him to the top. So in essence, he owes Robin's mom an apology for being a tool too...

Myers was seen at Lil' Frankies in the East Village last thursday with a very cute, very young diner mate. They waited 15 minuts for a table in the back, to get away from prying eyes.

We all know no one gives a rats ass about Mike Myers, so no one would be looking at him, he obviously had to make the "cute young thing" think that he's still a star so she would take off her JC Penny panties and make mad love to the nasty, un-toned beast man. Have you people seen him lately, he looks like shit.

I'm guessing Robin left him.

Gastneau Girls Lesbo Love

It's amazing what whores will do for attention/publicity/bad tv deals...

The Gastineau Girls are back, and Bigger then EVER! Literally... Looking at Britney, who seems to have either a.) gained 15 pounds from last year or b.) gained 20 pounds from last year... this season should be a smash hit! And by smash hit I mean someone recognizing these two and smashing bottles over their heads.

There comes a time in every 23 year old girls life when she says to herself, "who am I, where did I come from?" This is when Britney and Lisa decided to show the whole world where Britney came from and have Britney pose naked in the middle of Lisa's legs... why else would you take naked nudie pics with your mom while leaning in her crotch???

Some one needs to tell these two to get a fucking life and stop coming into mine with there mindless denseness that defies logic... for godsakes, isn't that why we have Jessica Simpson? Someone needs to tell these people we already have our fill of retarded reality stars that are far more entertaining, way richer and better looking than them. At least Whitney and Bobby are FUNNY...

Cindy Crawford has HORRIBLE kids

Cindy Crawford is a horrible, horrible parent. Nothing else in the world would explain her FOUR YEAR OLD son flipping off the cameras. Think about it... the kid had to learn it from someone... what amazes me is that the dad (Gerber fortune man) does absolutley (almost) NOTHING to prevent or mask this most salacious and ignorant gesture. Both Gerber and Cindy seem to be LAUGHING about their spawn's total disregard for public decency.

You know that this kid is going to grow up and in fifteen years (he's 19) going to go out and spend his trust fund and then get herpes from Britney Spears' son... (that's right K-Fed, I went there, no way your son is gonna be straight nigga)

I hope I'm alive to see it...

Papa Joe loses Grip

First the divorce of holy virgin Jessica and that schlum of a soon-to-be-ex husband Nick Lachey and now THIS! Watch out, Papa Joe Simpson is losing his grip on his ATM machines, I mean Daughters...

This quad still pics of "Ashlee Simpson" has not been confirmed, although I like to think that it is in fact her. I like the idea of having a bad girl in the family. I like to think even more that Ashlee is sucking on Nick Lachey's man meat while he's prancing around, yelling dirty talk at her while trying to keep his balance in Jessica's pumps...

EVERYTHING WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE...

Britney is more of an idiot than I thought

Accoding to www.ananova.com, K-Fed tol Rich Ryan Seacrest that his trailer trash wife, the once, long, long ago pop "star" will be singing backup vocals on his not-yet-deated-release album. He makes it clear the Bartiney will not be rapping...

WOW... I didn't know I cared so little that Britney Spears, who told the world that she would be "Retiring" from the music business after her 2004 FAILED and CUT SHORT Onyx Tour would be making her "Comeback" on loser husband's album. I wonder who the fuck told her that this was a good idea... what the hell is she thinking? Who the hell is around this woman that tells her that it is okay to do stupid shit (marry Jason Alexander, STEAL K-Fed and marry him, have his ugly love child, wear horse hair extensions, never lose the baby weight...) I have no idea what the hell is going on!!! With as much money as the Spenderlines have to blow on SHIT (TaterTots (their son's) room at xmas was pimped out with camels and wiseman for an estimated 25 grand...)

You know what, I thought Lynn Spears was smarter than this. This just proves my assumption that Lynn has totally given up on Britney and now is concentrating on Spear's younger sister, Jamie-Lynn Spears, the star of her own Nickelodeon TV show. *Note to Lynn: Keep Jamie-Lynn away from back up dancers. And Aaron Carter, I got a bad feeling about that one...

Nick Lachey likes his ladies, shoes that is

Nick Lachey is quoted as saying that he used to put on his soon-to-be exwife's shoes, that it was "it was sort of a kinky thing that we liked to get into..." He also goes on to profess that he has not "fully realized his dirty talk potential"...

OK people, I understand that he doesn't have Papa Joe there anymore to micro manage his PR but even Lizzy Grubman knows that people arn't supposed to say shit like that... especially when you are in a media war with the hottest woman in the world and you are going down like Spam on tuesday at the Federline's house.

Note to Nick: Don't say anything, at all, ever again. Get your alimony and fade away... it's the best for everyone.

Kathy Griffin vs. Steven Spielerg

So according to Pagesix.com, Kathy Griffin is pissed off that Steven Spielberg would demand an apology for last year's red carpet comment about Dakota Fanning just getting out of rehab. Personally, pagesix and Kathy Griffin make a damn good point about SS infringing on her free speech right, on the OTHER hand, she was working. And by working I mean for a TV station, and I assume that they would prefer her to not say shit like that. So I don't understand why the E! channel isn't pissed. In pagesix it goes on to say that the E! asked for an apology but all KG said was "'OK, here's your apology: You'd have to be a [bleep]ing idiot to not know I was kidding.' And they're, like, 'Well, we can't print that' . . . It's a joke. It's a joke. I'm not going to apologize for jokes. Ten years old. It's a joke."

I would like to say GOOD JOB to KG for sticking to her guns. If any of you have not seen Ms. G's Bravo specials, "my life on the D-List" you need to TIVO it for sure! It is a must see! I would also like to tell Ms. G I am very pleased she was able to work things out with her husband... all the luck to you Kathy!

Skin Deep Bitches

Is it all really about MONEY... I have to wonder... Bored with to much time on the internet, I start reading all of these sites about "celebrities", thesuperficial.com is my favorite, followed by pagesix.com, defamer.com, gawker.com, perezhilton.com, Idontlikeyouinthatway.com, socialitelife.com, there are a MILLION websites dedicated to the rich, the talentless and the mundane. I don't understand these people, the people that are some how born into money and for some reason ASSUME that people know who they are and want to know about them? (i.e., Paris and Nicky Hilton, Bijou Phillips, Kimberly Skank Stewart) (that's ok, I'm still bitter that "sexy kim" didn't add me on her friends list on myspace.com, if you want to find kimberly stewart on myspace, go to: myspace.com/ksexystewart thats really her... everyone send her mail telling her what a skank she is, I'm for sure she's the social climber on last weeks page six blind item...)


ANYWAY... I am so much more interesting then these stupid people. Everyday my life is funner and better than what these skanks are up to... (tan, hair extensions, tan, teeth whitening, nails, tan....) Why the hell don't people want to know about me? Or at least with my deep obsession with celebrities and what not...

Hence... here comes a blog dedicated to the total lack of control that I have when it comes to gossip. Stay tuned. Should be pretty fucking good.